the institution of family in islam
Quran 4:34
Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 4:34
In Islam the duties and responsibilities are based on gender due to their essential differences in psychology and biology [see link below for details]. Men have greater responsibilities and duties, so females are more preserved and shielded from spending their own wealth, their own physical and mental efforts and from doing more worship. Females will always be impeded from being like men by menstruation and childbirth as well, so both sexes have different but equitable duties and responsibilities. The model of hierarchy in Islam is also a preventive measure to halt rivalry and individualism in family upbringing and social organization, which we see today through feminism backed by law and propaganda. Yes, there may be artificial harmony with or without hierarchy but with hierarchy, rivalry and individualism, specially, resulting from rebellion and sins will always be suppressed due to authority of husband backed by law. This is needed to maintain familial and social stability and rule of law. A partnership cannot work due to its nature of each partner looking after their selfish interests and due to man and woman differing in biology and psychology. So family is a hierarchy as a single organization of opposite genders. The best role and most pious one for a woman is being a housewife and this is also due to female emotional intelligence, as this also enhances a family’s productivity and values because the wife acts as a solace and comfort for the family, especially hard-working man and immature children.
Further readings
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/351122477_Why_Society_Needs_Patriarchy_A_Scientific_and_Social_Justification
Islam’s patriarchy is only in the following domains: leadership, judiciary, witness, husband and wife, armed Jihad, religious sermon, prayer, inheritance, legal guardianship, polygamy and divorce. Patriarchy means preference of man or authority of man over woman.
Islam believes in a patriarch model of society. It may be both man woman equal in biology and psychology which renders their rights and duties also equal but when God decides an organization and hierarchy based on duty, responsibility and right then such is the norm. A hierarchy demands a system of accountability and rule. In a family the man is the head and the ruler, guide and financier. He has the right to discipline the family in case they err and act evil. So, Islam has allowed the husband to discipline a disobedient/arrogant wife in varying stages depending on the severity of the disobedience. The beating must not be injurious but only disciplinary. A wife being a mother, one who also responsible of the household, and closer to children, her wrongdoing and disobedience will be extremely detrimental to the family. One of the grievous ways a wife can be disobedient is by adultery and being wasteful of wealth. Note that given the high qualities that is demanded in personal characteristics and morals of a Muslim husband or wife it is highly unlikely the relationship will go to this point of conflict and disciplining. Also, a husband if he is wrongful towards the wife then a greater authority will be disciplining him and this is the Islamic state, the Islamic court, Islamic judges who are the ultimate adjudicators. Modern familial organizations are often mutually agreed upon by husbands and wives in such a way that is detrimental to the proper upbringing of children and such families often lack emotional attachments and sacrificial mentality for each other. Islamic family is against this divisive organization. In this divisive organization of family microscopic relational moments are detached, distant and artificial. A question arises if the wife is more intelligent and financially stable than husband then how can husband be leader and guide of the family? First of all, this doesn't establish gender equality or matriarchy as this is only a certain example. As I have said male gender must be given more opportunities to succeed than females due to heavier responsibilities over them, then it is clear that such a society where females statistically become more intelligent and financially successful is a society which has not implemented effective efficient patriarchy. Biologically and psychologically under same environmental variables men will excel most of the times females. If, however even after setting up proper patriarch environment the situation is such, then the marriage has taken place either by mutual consent where the more intelligent and financially superior woman has come to terms with the husband's inferior position in similar aspects.
Quran 33:28-29
O Prophet! Say to your wives, “If you desire the life of this world and its luxury, then come, I will give you a ˹suitable˺ compensation ˹for divorce˺ and let you go graciously. O Prophet! Say to your wives, “If you desire the life of this world and its luxury, then come, I will give you a ˹suitable˺ compensation ˹for divorce˺ and let you go graciously. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 33:28-29
The righteous wife is patient and never burdening his husband beyond his mental, physical and financial abilities but rather live with him in patience, love and sympathy while hoping great reward from God for her perseverance and loyalty to her husband. God is thus guiding the women who may be demanding and thinking selfishly without consideration and understanding. So this verse is prescribing or rather proposing and encouraging a principle of loyalty, devotion and perseverance in love and sympathy. This noble principle was also lived by the great wife of prophet Ayyub during his severe disease. However, if the wife/wives unable to bear such with the husband then she may seek divorce through the law of khul. This verse also indicates that the husband be generous and helping in providing for the wife/wives who wish to leave him due to their perceived lacking in him. So, the verse encourages the husband to be generous in providing for his departing wife/wives instead of making use of the khul.
Quran 2:228
Divorced women remain in waiting for three periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have more right to take them back in this [period] if they want reconciliation. And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:228
Wives’ waiting period is to give her time to prepare emotionally, financially and biologically for the next marriage.
Quran 2:230
And if he has divorced her [for the third time], then she is not lawful to him afterward until [after] she marries a husband other than him. And if the latter husband divorces her [or dies], there is no blame upon the woman and her former husband for returning to each other if they think that they can keep [within] the limits of Allah. These are the limits of Allah, which He makes clear to a people who know. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:230
Islam allows the man to divorce the woman but for a woman to seek separation there is a process called Khul established from Sunnah. The whole process of Islamic divorce must be managed by the Islamic judge and court. The Islamic divorce is a detailed algorithmic process whose implementation and adherence must be overseen by competent judicial body of the Islamic jurisdiction.
Quran 65:1
O Prophet, when you [Muslims] divorce women, divorce them for [the commencement of] their waiting period and keep count of the waiting period, and fear Allah, your Lord. Do not turn them out of their [husbands'] houses, nor should they [themselves] leave [during that period] unless they are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits [set by] Allah . And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps Allah will bring about after that a [different] matter. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 65:1
In Islam the protocols of divorce are defined and sequential. Divorce takes a period and is related to the cycle of menstruation. This period of divorce, the husband must take care of the wife and her child if pregnant, unless the wife has committed adultery. This condition of care with non-performance of adultery is to make women not commit adultery and remain pious and obedient. Quran has given a period of divorce because there is a hope that the divorce will not take place. God hates divorce and it is the most hateful permissible thing to God as mentioned in Hadith. Husband's responsibility towards wife is as long as they remain married. Once divorce is finalized then they become strangers and become forbidden to each other. All financial responsibility stops and the children if any are given proper custody depending on situation and circumstance of the parents. The father's responsibility towards the children continues however until the children become matured and able or until the divorced woman marries a new man and gets custody of children. The Islamic government must implement these laws for divorce and any husband or wife seeking separation must initiate the divorce process and period by coming to an Islamic court. In absence of Islamic court or Islamic rule the couple must implement the laws of divorce by themselves or under the guidance of an Islamic cleric.
Quran 65:6
Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth. And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their payment and confer among yourselves in the acceptable way; but if you are in discord, then there may breastfeed for the father another woman. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 65:6
This is in relation to a wife undergoing the divorce period. She should be taken care and must not be harmed in body or sustenance and neither her situation and existence should be made difficult. If she is pregnant then she should be taken care until delivery, even if the child is from forced adultery (rape). While in the period of divorce if they breastfeed for the husband to his child then she should be payed accordingly for this service. If the wife finds breastfeeding difficult or she is unable then another woman can breastfeed the child. The Islamic government must implement these laws for divorce and any husband or wife seeking separation must initiate the divorce process and period by coming to an Islamic court. In absence of Islamic court or Islamic rule the couple must implement the laws of divorce by themselves or under the guidance of an Islamic cleric.
Quran 2:231
And when you divorce women and they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or release them according to acceptable terms, and do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against them]. And whoever does that has certainly wronged himself. And do not take the verses of Allah in jest. And remember the favor of Allah upon you and what has been revealed to you of the Book and wisdom by which He instructs you. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Knowing of all things. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:231
Islamic divorce takes places gradually and in timed sequence. It is never instant because human psychology can be impatient and impatience can result in catastrophe, so God has allowed His servants a period of pondering after first and second divorce so that they can always have an opportunity to reconcile and remake the family union. It is after third divorce that the actual permanent divorce takes place.
The wisdom here is the Sunnah of the Prophet which explains the Quran.
Quran 2:232
And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis. That is instructed to whoever of you believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is better for you and purer, and Allah knows and you know not. (NFBL)
Commentary of 2:232
A divorced woman cannot marry her former husband unless she marries and divorces a second man or unless he dies. Perhaps this is to give her a new opportunity, experience and outlook on new married life and reflect on where she had erred, or her previous husband had erred. The same goes for the previous husband when he marries.
Quran 2:233
Mothers should breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period].
Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity. No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child. And upon the [father's] heir is [a duty] like that [of the father]. And if they both desire weaning through mutual consent from both of them and consultation, there is no blame upon either of them. And if you wish to have your children nursed by a substitute, there is no blame upon you as long as you give payment according to what is acceptable. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Seeing of what you do. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:233
It is recommended for able mothers to breastfeed their children for two years. This perhaps creates an enhanced bond and possibly beneficial for the mother as well. However, feminism has destroyed this Islamic practice due to career seeking women who has no time for such empathy. Some, to show empathy takes their newly born child to work place a possible causing trauma to the child and making life difficult for the child.
A happy family and a devout wife accept husband’s financial ability and the obligation of the husband is to take care of the wife according to the custom of their economic class.
Quran 2:234
And those who are taken in death among you and leave wives behind - they, [the wives, shall] wait four months and ten [days]. And when they have fulfilled their term, then there is no blame upon you for what they do with themselves in an acceptable manner. And Allah is [fully] Acquainted with what you do. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:234
This is the period to moan and prepare herself for future.
Quran 2:235
There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:235
It is prohibited to approach such a woman for marriage or even propose to her in this period. Possibly due to still recovering from her previous husband’s death she will not able to make a sound decision.
Quran 2:236
There is no blame upon you if you divorce women you have not touched nor specified for them an obligation. But give them [a gift of] compensation - the wealthy according to his capability and the poor according to his capability - a provision according to what is acceptable, a duty upon the doers of good. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:236
Touched meaning. sexual intercourse. Obligation means dowry. If such a wife with whom sexual intercourse has not been performed and also dowry has not been set and paid is divorced, then do not let them go empty handed but give them some financial support based on your economic class. Islamic judge will determine this amount in a court. This is another lofty woman’s right Islam has ordained.
Quran 2:237
And if you divorce them before you have touched them and you have already specified for them an obligation, then [give] half of what you specified - unless they forego the right or the one in whose hand is the marriage contract foregoes it. And to forego it is nearer to righteousness. And do not forget graciousness between you. Indeed Allah, of whatever you do, is Seeing. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:237
If such a wife with whom sexual intercourse has not been performed but dowry has been set and but not paid is divorced then the husband must pay half of the dowry as per contract, orally or verbally completed. Except the ceremony, the marriage and divorce processes which involve rights and duties of each must take place in an Islamic court for better oversight and management. These processes must be documented and witnessed for record keeping and future reference. This is a necessity both religious and social.
A pious woman will forego her dowry as a mercy and assistance to the husband for his future wife. A pious guardian of a child bride (a girl who has not reached age of puberty) will also forego her dowry as a mercy and assistance to the husband for his future wife. Note that a child does not mean she is unable to have sex. It is the duty of Islamic judge who is overseeing marriage to check if the girl is able to have sex or no. The judge can impose prohibition on sexual intercourse unless child reaches physical ability to have sex, based on the principle in Hadith that “harm is not inflicted on or inflicted upon”.
Quran 2:240
And those who are taken in death among you and leave wives behind - for their wives is a bequest: maintenance for one year without turning [them] out. But if they leave [of their own accord], then there is no blame upon you for what they do with themselves in an acceptable way. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:240
Islam has given maintenance right of one year to wives whose husbands suddenly died. However, if the wives leave voluntary the husband’s residence then the maintenance is stopped. This can also mean if the wives leave the maintenance even if they live in their parents’ house. This one year is for maintenance but the four months ten days is obligatory to wait, so whatever is remaining is a recommendation from God and not an obligation.
Quran 2:241
And for divorced women is a provision according to what is acceptable - a duty upon the righteous. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:241
Every divorced woman whether sexually enjoyed by husband or not, whose dowry is set or not set, must be given a financial assistance by husband depending on which category as mentioned, the relationship is in. The Islamic judge must determine the amount depending on their economic class, background, education and cultural praxis among other things.
Quran 33:49
O You who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them, then there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them. So provide for them and give them a gracious release. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 33:49
A woman such as this does not have a waiting period and she is free to marry whenever after divorce. Possibly because such a woman has not developed an attachment with the husband by sex and intimacy and also the husband’s seed is not in her to make her pregnant so she is able to exercise her judgment for future marriage without concern of pregnancy.
Quran 17:23
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (FBL/NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 17:23
God has commanded His servants to be respectful and caring for old parents. Respect and care however do not translate to blind obedience of parents which is called elderism or veneration of the elderly to the point of sainthood and sinless entities. This elderism is a reason for so called honor killings in some Asian countries. Quran commands us to be respectful and caring specially to old parents because of their helplessness and fragility of existence and not obedience as given to a dictator. Rationality and justice must not be blinded by veneration of people. Does putting parents in care homes translate to care for them? It depends on the context of how sons and daughters have defined their lives to be. Some husbands are working and earning for family so they cannot give full time to parents, rather perhaps their income may go to the parents’ care. The wives of your sons are not obligated to look after you like nurse, neither the husbands can burden the wives more than they can bear. The wives main responsibility is to their husbands and children and not to their father and mother in laws. So given these considerations a five star care home can be better care for parents than living with their sons or daughters. Given how society and job industry has evolved the Islamic government must ensure proper management and guidance for care homes for the elderly. Another option of care is home nurse. Depending on who to care for whether old father or old mother the nurse’s gender need to be decided. If a young female nurse is to care for the old mother, then the nurse’s husband’s permission need to be sought first by the employer. For old father a male nurse or old female nurse is best suitable.
Quran 4:19
O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 4:19
The meaning of inherit in this verse is understood from historical practice of inheriting women, which as when a man died then the man’s family could do whatever with the woman. So, Quran prohibited this type of familial tyranny and allowed women whose husbands died to be her own person. This form of inheriting is what this verse prohibits. A woman also can keep her dowry and whatever she got from her deceased husband. However, the exception of this keeping her dowry is she committing adultery. If she commits adultery her dowry will be taken away. The point of dowry is to legalize the sexual bond between the man and woman. However, all these rights and rules are administered and overseen not by the family but by the Islamic governance and Islamic courts. All legal disputes arising from marriage and divorce are the matter of Islamic jurisdiction and Islamic courts.
Quran 4:35
And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things]. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 4:35
This and another verse propose familial reconciliation in case of matrimonial disharmony or if not possible then separation is implied. The consideration of relational reconciliation approach suggests Muslim society and relationship must be transparent and friendly.
Quran 4:128
And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them - and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah - then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 4:128
The word used is nushuz which can mean disobedience or wrongdoing in context of matrimonial relationship. We saw in other verse husband has been given authority to discipline wife while in this verse no authority has been given to the wife suggesting that marriage is a hierarchy and based on the rule of authority of man. This and another verse proposes reconciliation in case wife fears disobedience or wrongdoing from husband or if not possible then in another verse separation is implied.
Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 4:34
In Islam the duties and responsibilities are based on gender due to their essential differences in psychology and biology [see link below for details]. Men have greater responsibilities and duties, so females are more preserved and shielded from spending their own wealth, their own physical and mental efforts and from doing more worship. Females will always be impeded from being like men by menstruation and childbirth as well, so both sexes have different but equitable duties and responsibilities. The model of hierarchy in Islam is also a preventive measure to halt rivalry and individualism in family upbringing and social organization, which we see today through feminism backed by law and propaganda. Yes, there may be artificial harmony with or without hierarchy but with hierarchy, rivalry and individualism, specially, resulting from rebellion and sins will always be suppressed due to authority of husband backed by law. This is needed to maintain familial and social stability and rule of law. A partnership cannot work due to its nature of each partner looking after their selfish interests and due to man and woman differing in biology and psychology. So family is a hierarchy as a single organization of opposite genders. The best role and most pious one for a woman is being a housewife and this is also due to female emotional intelligence, as this also enhances a family’s productivity and values because the wife acts as a solace and comfort for the family, especially hard-working man and immature children.
Further readings
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/351122477_Why_Society_Needs_Patriarchy_A_Scientific_and_Social_Justification
Islam’s patriarchy is only in the following domains: leadership, judiciary, witness, husband and wife, armed Jihad, religious sermon, prayer, inheritance, legal guardianship, polygamy and divorce. Patriarchy means preference of man or authority of man over woman.
Islam believes in a patriarch model of society. It may be both man woman equal in biology and psychology which renders their rights and duties also equal but when God decides an organization and hierarchy based on duty, responsibility and right then such is the norm. A hierarchy demands a system of accountability and rule. In a family the man is the head and the ruler, guide and financier. He has the right to discipline the family in case they err and act evil. So, Islam has allowed the husband to discipline a disobedient/arrogant wife in varying stages depending on the severity of the disobedience. The beating must not be injurious but only disciplinary. A wife being a mother, one who also responsible of the household, and closer to children, her wrongdoing and disobedience will be extremely detrimental to the family. One of the grievous ways a wife can be disobedient is by adultery and being wasteful of wealth. Note that given the high qualities that is demanded in personal characteristics and morals of a Muslim husband or wife it is highly unlikely the relationship will go to this point of conflict and disciplining. Also, a husband if he is wrongful towards the wife then a greater authority will be disciplining him and this is the Islamic state, the Islamic court, Islamic judges who are the ultimate adjudicators. Modern familial organizations are often mutually agreed upon by husbands and wives in such a way that is detrimental to the proper upbringing of children and such families often lack emotional attachments and sacrificial mentality for each other. Islamic family is against this divisive organization. In this divisive organization of family microscopic relational moments are detached, distant and artificial. A question arises if the wife is more intelligent and financially stable than husband then how can husband be leader and guide of the family? First of all, this doesn't establish gender equality or matriarchy as this is only a certain example. As I have said male gender must be given more opportunities to succeed than females due to heavier responsibilities over them, then it is clear that such a society where females statistically become more intelligent and financially successful is a society which has not implemented effective efficient patriarchy. Biologically and psychologically under same environmental variables men will excel most of the times females. If, however even after setting up proper patriarch environment the situation is such, then the marriage has taken place either by mutual consent where the more intelligent and financially superior woman has come to terms with the husband's inferior position in similar aspects.
Quran 33:28-29
O Prophet! Say to your wives, “If you desire the life of this world and its luxury, then come, I will give you a ˹suitable˺ compensation ˹for divorce˺ and let you go graciously. O Prophet! Say to your wives, “If you desire the life of this world and its luxury, then come, I will give you a ˹suitable˺ compensation ˹for divorce˺ and let you go graciously. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 33:28-29
The righteous wife is patient and never burdening his husband beyond his mental, physical and financial abilities but rather live with him in patience, love and sympathy while hoping great reward from God for her perseverance and loyalty to her husband. God is thus guiding the women who may be demanding and thinking selfishly without consideration and understanding. So this verse is prescribing or rather proposing and encouraging a principle of loyalty, devotion and perseverance in love and sympathy. This noble principle was also lived by the great wife of prophet Ayyub during his severe disease. However, if the wife/wives unable to bear such with the husband then she may seek divorce through the law of khul. This verse also indicates that the husband be generous and helping in providing for the wife/wives who wish to leave him due to their perceived lacking in him. So, the verse encourages the husband to be generous in providing for his departing wife/wives instead of making use of the khul.
Quran 2:228
Divorced women remain in waiting for three periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have more right to take them back in this [period] if they want reconciliation. And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:228
Wives’ waiting period is to give her time to prepare emotionally, financially and biologically for the next marriage.
Quran 2:230
And if he has divorced her [for the third time], then she is not lawful to him afterward until [after] she marries a husband other than him. And if the latter husband divorces her [or dies], there is no blame upon the woman and her former husband for returning to each other if they think that they can keep [within] the limits of Allah. These are the limits of Allah, which He makes clear to a people who know. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:230
Islam allows the man to divorce the woman but for a woman to seek separation there is a process called Khul established from Sunnah. The whole process of Islamic divorce must be managed by the Islamic judge and court. The Islamic divorce is a detailed algorithmic process whose implementation and adherence must be overseen by competent judicial body of the Islamic jurisdiction.
Quran 65:1
O Prophet, when you [Muslims] divorce women, divorce them for [the commencement of] their waiting period and keep count of the waiting period, and fear Allah, your Lord. Do not turn them out of their [husbands'] houses, nor should they [themselves] leave [during that period] unless they are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits [set by] Allah . And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps Allah will bring about after that a [different] matter. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 65:1
In Islam the protocols of divorce are defined and sequential. Divorce takes a period and is related to the cycle of menstruation. This period of divorce, the husband must take care of the wife and her child if pregnant, unless the wife has committed adultery. This condition of care with non-performance of adultery is to make women not commit adultery and remain pious and obedient. Quran has given a period of divorce because there is a hope that the divorce will not take place. God hates divorce and it is the most hateful permissible thing to God as mentioned in Hadith. Husband's responsibility towards wife is as long as they remain married. Once divorce is finalized then they become strangers and become forbidden to each other. All financial responsibility stops and the children if any are given proper custody depending on situation and circumstance of the parents. The father's responsibility towards the children continues however until the children become matured and able or until the divorced woman marries a new man and gets custody of children. The Islamic government must implement these laws for divorce and any husband or wife seeking separation must initiate the divorce process and period by coming to an Islamic court. In absence of Islamic court or Islamic rule the couple must implement the laws of divorce by themselves or under the guidance of an Islamic cleric.
Quran 65:6
Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth. And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their payment and confer among yourselves in the acceptable way; but if you are in discord, then there may breastfeed for the father another woman. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 65:6
This is in relation to a wife undergoing the divorce period. She should be taken care and must not be harmed in body or sustenance and neither her situation and existence should be made difficult. If she is pregnant then she should be taken care until delivery, even if the child is from forced adultery (rape). While in the period of divorce if they breastfeed for the husband to his child then she should be payed accordingly for this service. If the wife finds breastfeeding difficult or she is unable then another woman can breastfeed the child. The Islamic government must implement these laws for divorce and any husband or wife seeking separation must initiate the divorce process and period by coming to an Islamic court. In absence of Islamic court or Islamic rule the couple must implement the laws of divorce by themselves or under the guidance of an Islamic cleric.
Quran 2:231
And when you divorce women and they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or release them according to acceptable terms, and do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against them]. And whoever does that has certainly wronged himself. And do not take the verses of Allah in jest. And remember the favor of Allah upon you and what has been revealed to you of the Book and wisdom by which He instructs you. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Knowing of all things. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:231
Islamic divorce takes places gradually and in timed sequence. It is never instant because human psychology can be impatient and impatience can result in catastrophe, so God has allowed His servants a period of pondering after first and second divorce so that they can always have an opportunity to reconcile and remake the family union. It is after third divorce that the actual permanent divorce takes place.
The wisdom here is the Sunnah of the Prophet which explains the Quran.
Quran 2:232
And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis. That is instructed to whoever of you believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is better for you and purer, and Allah knows and you know not. (NFBL)
Commentary of 2:232
A divorced woman cannot marry her former husband unless she marries and divorces a second man or unless he dies. Perhaps this is to give her a new opportunity, experience and outlook on new married life and reflect on where she had erred, or her previous husband had erred. The same goes for the previous husband when he marries.
Quran 2:233
Mothers should breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period].
Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity. No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child. And upon the [father's] heir is [a duty] like that [of the father]. And if they both desire weaning through mutual consent from both of them and consultation, there is no blame upon either of them. And if you wish to have your children nursed by a substitute, there is no blame upon you as long as you give payment according to what is acceptable. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Seeing of what you do. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:233
It is recommended for able mothers to breastfeed their children for two years. This perhaps creates an enhanced bond and possibly beneficial for the mother as well. However, feminism has destroyed this Islamic practice due to career seeking women who has no time for such empathy. Some, to show empathy takes their newly born child to work place a possible causing trauma to the child and making life difficult for the child.
A happy family and a devout wife accept husband’s financial ability and the obligation of the husband is to take care of the wife according to the custom of their economic class.
Quran 2:234
And those who are taken in death among you and leave wives behind - they, [the wives, shall] wait four months and ten [days]. And when they have fulfilled their term, then there is no blame upon you for what they do with themselves in an acceptable manner. And Allah is [fully] Acquainted with what you do. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:234
This is the period to moan and prepare herself for future.
Quran 2:235
There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:235
It is prohibited to approach such a woman for marriage or even propose to her in this period. Possibly due to still recovering from her previous husband’s death she will not able to make a sound decision.
Quran 2:236
There is no blame upon you if you divorce women you have not touched nor specified for them an obligation. But give them [a gift of] compensation - the wealthy according to his capability and the poor according to his capability - a provision according to what is acceptable, a duty upon the doers of good. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:236
Touched meaning. sexual intercourse. Obligation means dowry. If such a wife with whom sexual intercourse has not been performed and also dowry has not been set and paid is divorced, then do not let them go empty handed but give them some financial support based on your economic class. Islamic judge will determine this amount in a court. This is another lofty woman’s right Islam has ordained.
Quran 2:237
And if you divorce them before you have touched them and you have already specified for them an obligation, then [give] half of what you specified - unless they forego the right or the one in whose hand is the marriage contract foregoes it. And to forego it is nearer to righteousness. And do not forget graciousness between you. Indeed Allah, of whatever you do, is Seeing. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:237
If such a wife with whom sexual intercourse has not been performed but dowry has been set and but not paid is divorced then the husband must pay half of the dowry as per contract, orally or verbally completed. Except the ceremony, the marriage and divorce processes which involve rights and duties of each must take place in an Islamic court for better oversight and management. These processes must be documented and witnessed for record keeping and future reference. This is a necessity both religious and social.
A pious woman will forego her dowry as a mercy and assistance to the husband for his future wife. A pious guardian of a child bride (a girl who has not reached age of puberty) will also forego her dowry as a mercy and assistance to the husband for his future wife. Note that a child does not mean she is unable to have sex. It is the duty of Islamic judge who is overseeing marriage to check if the girl is able to have sex or no. The judge can impose prohibition on sexual intercourse unless child reaches physical ability to have sex, based on the principle in Hadith that “harm is not inflicted on or inflicted upon”.
Quran 2:240
And those who are taken in death among you and leave wives behind - for their wives is a bequest: maintenance for one year without turning [them] out. But if they leave [of their own accord], then there is no blame upon you for what they do with themselves in an acceptable way. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:240
Islam has given maintenance right of one year to wives whose husbands suddenly died. However, if the wives leave voluntary the husband’s residence then the maintenance is stopped. This can also mean if the wives leave the maintenance even if they live in their parents’ house. This one year is for maintenance but the four months ten days is obligatory to wait, so whatever is remaining is a recommendation from God and not an obligation.
Quran 2:241
And for divorced women is a provision according to what is acceptable - a duty upon the righteous. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 2:241
Every divorced woman whether sexually enjoyed by husband or not, whose dowry is set or not set, must be given a financial assistance by husband depending on which category as mentioned, the relationship is in. The Islamic judge must determine the amount depending on their economic class, background, education and cultural praxis among other things.
Quran 33:49
O You who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them, then there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them. So provide for them and give them a gracious release. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 33:49
A woman such as this does not have a waiting period and she is free to marry whenever after divorce. Possibly because such a woman has not developed an attachment with the husband by sex and intimacy and also the husband’s seed is not in her to make her pregnant so she is able to exercise her judgment for future marriage without concern of pregnancy.
Quran 17:23
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (FBL/NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 17:23
God has commanded His servants to be respectful and caring for old parents. Respect and care however do not translate to blind obedience of parents which is called elderism or veneration of the elderly to the point of sainthood and sinless entities. This elderism is a reason for so called honor killings in some Asian countries. Quran commands us to be respectful and caring specially to old parents because of their helplessness and fragility of existence and not obedience as given to a dictator. Rationality and justice must not be blinded by veneration of people. Does putting parents in care homes translate to care for them? It depends on the context of how sons and daughters have defined their lives to be. Some husbands are working and earning for family so they cannot give full time to parents, rather perhaps their income may go to the parents’ care. The wives of your sons are not obligated to look after you like nurse, neither the husbands can burden the wives more than they can bear. The wives main responsibility is to their husbands and children and not to their father and mother in laws. So given these considerations a five star care home can be better care for parents than living with their sons or daughters. Given how society and job industry has evolved the Islamic government must ensure proper management and guidance for care homes for the elderly. Another option of care is home nurse. Depending on who to care for whether old father or old mother the nurse’s gender need to be decided. If a young female nurse is to care for the old mother, then the nurse’s husband’s permission need to be sought first by the employer. For old father a male nurse or old female nurse is best suitable.
Quran 4:19
O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 4:19
The meaning of inherit in this verse is understood from historical practice of inheriting women, which as when a man died then the man’s family could do whatever with the woman. So, Quran prohibited this type of familial tyranny and allowed women whose husbands died to be her own person. This form of inheriting is what this verse prohibits. A woman also can keep her dowry and whatever she got from her deceased husband. However, the exception of this keeping her dowry is she committing adultery. If she commits adultery her dowry will be taken away. The point of dowry is to legalize the sexual bond between the man and woman. However, all these rights and rules are administered and overseen not by the family but by the Islamic governance and Islamic courts. All legal disputes arising from marriage and divorce are the matter of Islamic jurisdiction and Islamic courts.
Quran 4:35
And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things]. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 4:35
This and another verse propose familial reconciliation in case of matrimonial disharmony or if not possible then separation is implied. The consideration of relational reconciliation approach suggests Muslim society and relationship must be transparent and friendly.
Quran 4:128
And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them - and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah - then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted. (NFBL)
Commentary of Quran 4:128
The word used is nushuz which can mean disobedience or wrongdoing in context of matrimonial relationship. We saw in other verse husband has been given authority to discipline wife while in this verse no authority has been given to the wife suggesting that marriage is a hierarchy and based on the rule of authority of man. This and another verse proposes reconciliation in case wife fears disobedience or wrongdoing from husband or if not possible then in another verse separation is implied.
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